Verbatim

You'll slip away slowly And fade like an old photograph You'll forget about my smile And I'll forget about your laugh All that will remain are fragments of our past In the glimpse of fleeting moments I always knew could never last

I am plagued by thoughts of loneliness Though I am not alone I have my son, I have my friends, I have my work, And I have a community which loves and fulfills me... But in this moment, I don't have you I told myself I would never want to possess nor restrict you from the very world which made me fall for you, And I don't... So when I say "have" I guess what I really mean to say is "half" 'Cause that's exactly how much of myself feels missing in your absence Since I've met you, (Like truly met you with all eyes open) I feel insatiable for your presence I see now why they call gifts presents because to be truly present in another's life is one of the greatest gifts the universe could bestow upon an individual It's in these thoughts that I meet you once again You could be anywhere in the world, and you are, But tonight, I selfishly keep the thought of you closely to my heart Resounding in my mind Giving me peace in wholen...

He paints me in hues Of watercolor skies My body, his canvas, Stroked gently By the strands of his eyes Had I ever known true love like this? Forbidden touch Of Moon and Sun Nightly blessed By his goodbye kiss

I hung around waiting for another to use me The way he did There was something about his brand of abuse That somehow made me feel alive Still invisible But held together by the glue of his gaze When days blurred into nights And I disappeared into bottles The message imprisoned behind my fractured glass read "Save yourself, girl." And so I did.

You grip the world beneath your fingertips Reminding yourself To always hang on No matter how you start to slip Seemingly insane Yet never too far gone away You travel place to place Touching everyone With the warmth of the sun Emanating with elated radiance Gravitational The way we dance Sensational The energy exchanged between our hands Your laugh could fill a room with smiles Resonating your inner child I've been searching for you in years and miles Just to transcend both time and space I find the answers to the universe Written across your face Living language in the form of pencils and paint The world is your canvas Beckoning for the brush of your existence

Fluent in sailor tongue And sand dollar skin He moved like ocean Just to catch my drift

She was all sunshine and curves.. He was looking for the scenic road home.

Sleeping angel I could see you from any angle With a mess of curls Entangled Around my fingers I start to drift and linger Half sleep demon Half teddy The sun's creeping up I'm not ready Consciousness Peaks behind two heavy lids Funny how our bodies seem To always perfectly fit Maybe just a little bit squished But I could stay here for hours Deep in our cuddle Christening you with my infamous drool puddle Nothing subtle about The way you've knocked me out With the comfort of your touch Warm bodies beckoning Like the pull of the sun Still I'm as stubborn as the moon As she stalls to leave No rush in stirring We stay flirting in between Rising and hiding In a veil of sleep

How do I answer the question "What's wrong?" First thought was to apologize For my faltered song And dance Entranced By the emptiness in my hands So much disappointment where I stand I can barely stand Behind this smile Still they proclaim their demands Mistake my kindness For boundless, My positivity for soundless motives and guile Fake recognize fake I guess, With masks worn like fleeting styles Just to cover up the scars and burns These struggles left behind Like dog-eared pages Haunting with promises of their return I'm trying to learn acceptance To grow with my pain With every turning page But the ink is too fresh I fear the smudge left at my fingertips Leaves every clean sheet tainted With my former self And my spine misshapen From every chapter I've ripped from it In hopes I can forget And write myself a new ending All they see is a pretty cover Bright and smooth With a laminate protector Over my hard, leather bound shell C...

I wake up dizzied by thoughts of you Circling round Like a knock out, Then I spend the rest of the day Icing away the pain Bumps and bruises on my decrepit heart Riddled like graffiti street art In stitches and scars, You itch my idea of wholeness How your gaze holds me like a spotlight In the warmth of your fleeting affection I've never known this kind of attention And I long for the days of ignorance Before making your acquaintance Before initiating this Back and forth dance Of readiness Unsteadiness Of hoping to bask in your loveliness To waking thoughts of how much I'm dreading this Love me, love me not Petals dismembered Like limbs from my lifeless body Hoping maybe someday You'll land on "love me" This hope remains My heartache's only remedy Echoing in masochistic melody Bloody and still outliving the disappointment of our yesterday

I have been feeling nostalgic as of late.. nostalgic for these words and feelings which have since turned foreign to me. To love with a fragile heart is a dangerous game... Scared and fickle, still she upturns rocks whose affections lay hidden from her. Bold little thing. Far braver and more boisterous than I. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Those of you who know me might have heard me consider myself "undateable." No, this is not to say that I don't feel love. Quite the contrary, I feel love so deeply, too often to the point of self destruction. Since separating from my marriage, the last year and a half has incurred a period of immense introspection and growth for me. This time has taught me so much about the proper use of ego/self love versus intuitive empathy, and my ability to control how every situation affects me. I used to feel I was at the mercy of my emotions, blindly lead by these feelings whether they positively served me or not. "A walking, bleeding heart...

I am the sum of these parts Wearer of scars, Collector of hearts, Creator of systems and stars Universal utero Third dimensional antihero Now Subtract the overblown ego Add all my past transgressions I can't let go Multiply my spirit by romance and wine Divide my efforts by space and time I am the sum of these parts An effortful collection Once fearful of death in nothingness Realized resurrection Through the depths of introspection I am Light Casting your shadows in every direction Skewed from the mould we were built in Original sin Plagued darkness In the vast abyss of the cosmic I'm not the same being you once saw Radiantly beaming between the empty spaces Light years ago Surrounded by different faces Who have since shone and passed Self-destructed Supernova blast They say this life is fast But it is preciously finite Celestially eternal Balance of both Shadow and Light Mortal plight Lessons for third sight Revolutions have not made me wise...

Soak into my flesh like the first rain of summer Absorbing into my cracked asphalt surface Quenching all the crumbling pieces with dewy affections Oil upon canvas sheets Slither and drip lazily Fulfilling me wherever I feel blank Empty space ridden heart Homeostasis for colorful words and art Bandaids for wounds which still itch and ache

You spread your branches out wide Enough to catch me Coarse and rigid bark Dripping sweet and sappy I find myself wandering outside On days like these To enjoy an afternoon swing Back and forth, Back and forth Not always sure If I'll keep coming back Maybe One day I'll stay But what's the fun in knowing that I know I never said for keeps But freedom sometimes seems so lonely And my love tires, As she sleeps  Dormant within me Still playfully hung up By what used to be her noose Now just looking for a sturdy branch to tell her This isn't the kind of game you have to lose Something about tire swings in summer Always sounded like good news Unaffected by the loose screws Barely hanging on by worn threads Even amongst an icy winter frost I seek the softness of your breath Leaving behind secret whispers Decoded on foggy panes Stories of what comes after springtime rains Familiarity of this space ...

I wake up wanting to touch you Feel your breath between my fingertips Warm contrast To cold exteriors Begging for forgiveness As we brush against these strange sheets Tainted with secrets you've carried for me Midnight reveries Distracting thoughts Become my normalcy Insatiable love letters Whenever I hold these hands together In prayer In between nights shared, Pillow talk, and sweet nothings All which remains.. Reflected solace and tear stains Private conversations Sensations Begin to surface Quick fix Whenever I'm feeling nervous Questioning correlation Between my dreams and purpose You know me Like no one ever has Still I love you in anguish and impasse Not once have you complained Told me how heavy the burden To bear my pain Because you love me Like no one ever has And when I touch you My tension dissipates As I can finally relax Unwind with the subtle flick of your movements Tracing syllables unspoken Rendering this poet usele...

If he can't stimulate both your mind and your heart, why let him attempt your clit and g spot?

Let me be your mirror So I can reflect my favorite parts of you I know you struggle to see Disenchant you of your ego So you can find beauty even in every broken piece Mosaic, melancholy Your story is not that of fairy tales Eyes turned towards the sea With neither wind nor holes amidst your sails Calm waters, prepare for tumult and storm Nourishing secret gardens, You'd rather walk amongst your thorns Taste of sweetest nectar Kept hidden like Eden's lush They try to drown themselves in your fruitful touch You question your ability to trust The fragility of yonic lust The stars have never been too big To satiate your captivated gaze Navigating this celestial maze Just to live amongst their haze Stardust fractal debris I wish that you could stay Gravitating towards me.. The way Moon dances in every phase Dark circles traced Spinning nights into daze I am the ocean calm rippling at the sight Of your beauty, So close lingering in the sky I could almos...

I want to tell you "fuck you" I do.. But the only words to escape did not describe the hate Seething at the brim of my eyelids Okay, "hate" is strong and mostly inaccurate Because I really only hate feeling so foolish "Fuck this shit" "Fuck me" I can't close these heavy things Without envisioning your smile behind them I want to say any of this to you, But all I could construe From this scene of trite obscenities is "I miss you" And "What did I do?" I've never been so confused As to how somebody could feel as deeply as you do And still turn both eyes blind To the massacre such affections could possibly leave behind Add me to the collection of heartache in your wake Tell me that it was not my love you wished to take Or hers, or hers, or hers.. Tell me about how your disclaimer helps you sleep at night Even though I know it still keeps you up Analyst of all things thought and yet you still cannot...

If you want me to love you, prepare to be written about Prepare to be addressed infinitely to the souls of others who will recognize you as either the hero, or the villain My most precious piece of heart, the half I choose to stitch into my sleeves Prepare to be my voice box when the salt of tears have corroded my esophagus And my gut has transformed into a pile of wet needles Dive into me instead like a pile of leaves Prepare to be the sun, the moon, and all which surrounds them Prepare to be burned at both ends Whether for blessings or for destruction Be born anew every morning And die again in my arms at night Let me love you Let me make you the thing of dreams and legends Let me whisper of your darkness into naked ears And show them how to bathe in the solace of your Light - rs.darko

He wanted my Light, Then covered his face in the presence of my shadow.. Realizing mine was a mere reflection of his own. That he was the sun burning up in glory, and I was a thief in the night, awake to tell his story.