Verbatim

I've stopped trying to hide behind gritted teeth, clenched fists, and jabs But to be honest, my heart still itches from all the scabs And aches from deep wounds that can't be soothed by guitar tabs Sometimes I think of things that we've said to each other For a while could've sworn we were dead to each other Words always remained unheard by each other.. Unheard and unspoken At least not in a way that wasn't broken Oops, that's a double negative Like two people unable to forget So how could they forgive But life goes on, And we both continue trying to put one foot in front of the other in the same direction Up Uphill and upset But somehow still positive.. Starting not to feel like I'm drowning in regret, Or like I'm only existing to outlive my emotional debt For promises unkept and nights left unslept.. With so many long shadows, I find this new brightness hard to accept

It's such a relief to be Almost thirty And finally coming to grips with reality.. The other day someone asked me If I ever wished I could go back and be That same girl maybe twenty two, twenty three Itty bitty, baby faced cheese All swaggy and steez Wild and free The life of every party With an endless wardrobe and a pretty bangin' body Ha Sure, a body starved of self-validation maybe No, actually, a body literally starving Just to try and fit into an old pair of jeans I wasn't wild, I was reckless, lost I got my freedom at expensive costs The center of attention and yet always alone A man's arms were an easy place to call home With lampshade love you're only ever catching projections Of a need to overcome any feelings of rejection Not to mention The self-obsession With always needing their attention Complacency allows for sorry memory retention So the same mistakes become exceptions And history repeats itself in explanations Physical sens

Dead laughter Scores nightmares of Happily Never Afters With a couple o' one-way tickets down a road to disaster Still I feel like I've been falling faster My brain started feeling like pancake batter Fire strains, mixing flower with confectionery shatter And now I feel my pulse fading to the background amongst a room full of chatter Idle prattle of grazing sheeple and social cattle Pure bred stallions awaiting their leather saddles Typical setbacks and standstills Making volcanoes out of anthills, Powersaws out of windmills I'm not a liar, nor a lover But I still live for cheap thrills And still catch myself daydreaming by my windowsills