Verbatim

I keep my chaos quiet & manageable Easily digestible Because God forbid I am too much For you to consume In one bite I am cumulonimbus billowing in the night The calm before thunder The peace before the plunder I am a rebellion brimming under dirt clots Plotting in strategized riots Navigating through internal battles To awaken the human cattle We don't have to agree & settle In order to stand together In the clamorous rage which surrounds us Let us take shelter in our own quiet chaos

We resonate in the thick Of our mothers' dirty mirror reflections Raw and delicate Swarming in the filth of our sins and misconceptions

I hung around waiting for another to use me The way he did There was something about his brand of abuse That somehow made me feel alive Still invisible But held together by the glue of his gaze When days blurred into nights And I disappeared into bottles The message imprisoned behind my fractured glass read "Save yourself, girl." And so I did.

Dark recess, While I reflect On the opposite side Of moonlight, Tells me I don't deserve you And it is right You are Never meant to be Something to possess Your presence A blessing, Our lessons learned Lessen My lack of purpose For you, I continue For you, I grow For you Are me, Sun, And so much more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This little boy is the love and Light of my life. He illuminates me even when I am mostly darkness. I do not exist to steal his shine, but to reflect this back to him in his own darkest hours. Growing through what we go through. I will never give up on myself because I will never give up on him. Last week was a hard one. Depression is weird like that. One could be living in a state of bounty as I feel I am now. Spiritually, creatively, communally fulfilled, living a life of both physical and divine purpose in the integrity of my beliefs. Still the darkness lingers.

We humans Are Slippery little things I slipped into D e p r e s s i o n You slipped Out of sight. -Rs.Darko

How do I answer the question "What's wrong?" First thought was to apologize For my faltered song And dance Entranced By the emptiness in my hands So much disappointment where I stand I can barely stand Behind this smile Still they proclaim their demands Mistake my kindness For boundless, My positivity for soundless motives and guile Fake recognize fake I guess, With masks worn like fleeting styles Just to cover up the scars and burns These struggles left behind Like dog-eared pages Haunting with promises of their return I'm trying to learn acceptance To grow with my pain With every turning page But the ink is too fresh I fear the smudge left at my fingertips Leaves every clean sheet tainted With my former self And my spine misshapen From every chapter I've ripped from it In hopes I can forget And write myself a new ending All they see is a pretty cover Bright and smooth With a laminate protector Over my hard, leather bound shell C...

I told my rapist I loved him Because I did And in some ways I still do Even in the dark cloud of shame Whenever someone mentions his name Even though I never wanted to Do the things we did Somehow I convinced myself I asked for it Agreed that it would be our secret That hush upon my lips Turned to quiet consequence The loss of innocence At age 8 Bred two decades of self hate Which only boys and other poisons could satiate Medicated through the pain, but remained confused Allowed my body to be consumed Mistaken passion from sexual abuse I told my rapist I was sorry the day I finally refused At age 14 Torn between Continuing And screaming I was so scared to lose him Lose his attention It's so fucking disgusting to reminisce On the fact that throughout my adolescence This is what I understood of intimate affection At age 15 I would have done anything To no longer be a "virgin" To casualize sexual interaction Convince myself This was common p...

It takes two to tango, But only one to dance Leaves me shuddering at the thought Of a second chance At romance Time ceases With my heart Again in your hands What I know of seconds is they have a way Of always slipping away Slowly When the clouds resonate a dark gray Heartache hangs closely And I'm mostly Expecting The onslaught of rejection Guts twist In the midsection Redirection Of my intentions Suddenly I'm craving your attention Daydream indulgence In the different dimensions Of your affections What is love but another segmented season To dive into believing That we fall for honorable reasons To revel in the death of all the reds and golds To grasp at every syllable in quiet spells on untouched scrolls Reigniting our ember souls Misspoken words are the only ones which seem to be heard Side by side, two estranged worlds Intersect and twirl Cracks in her porcelain mask reveal the face of a scared little girl One second was split for these emo...

I give my time, you want my space I give my words, you want my taste I give my rhymes, you want a place Immortalized by my grace I give my flesh, you want my skin I give you solace, you want my sins I let you in, you want within Rims only frame the places we cannot hide Lies corrode the surfaces of every human eye

Crooked smirk, chubby cheeks Some people say you resemble me But you are every bit unique Peppered with the duality Of your Daddy's interests Your Mama's mischief Your Grandma's heart And your Papa's affinity for Sweet Tarts Silly and smiling we sway and sing You get that twinkle in your eyes when you're learning, Beautiful little thing The way you suck your lips in when you're thinking... Or when you're hiding something Brightly radiating Like the days of summer on which you were born Water in Sun resonates warmth A balance between adventure and emotion Equally tumultuous, waves of ocean Crashing playfully against the shore When I look at you, I see more.. More to experience, more to grow I daydream about all the places we'll go To give our Wild the space it needs To wiggle our toes Test all the waters we have yet to see I promise, I have so many plans for you and me They're closer than you think Just reach up for the star...

Soak into my flesh like the first rain of summer Absorbing into my cracked asphalt surface Quenching all the crumbling pieces with dewy affections Oil upon canvas sheets Slither and drip lazily Fulfilling me wherever I feel blank Empty space ridden heart Homeostasis for colorful words and art Bandaids for wounds which still itch and ache

R. Frost was onto something when he predicted ice Because the coldness of your gaze Bites Like the desert wind Piercing through loose fibers As we wander these winter nights Thoughtful Thursday @thepoetslist "Ice Cold" poetry prompt

I wake up wanting to touch you Feel your breath between my fingertips Warm contrast To cold exteriors Begging for forgiveness As we brush against these strange sheets Tainted with secrets you've carried for me Midnight reveries Distracting thoughts Become my normalcy Insatiable love letters Whenever I hold these hands together In prayer In between nights shared, Pillow talk, and sweet nothings All which remains.. Reflected solace and tear stains Private conversations Sensations Begin to surface Quick fix Whenever I'm feeling nervous Questioning correlation Between my dreams and purpose You know me Like no one ever has Still I love you in anguish and impasse Not once have you complained Told me how heavy the burden To bear my pain Because you love me Like no one ever has And when I touch you My tension dissipates As I can finally relax Unwind with the subtle flick of your movements Tracing syllables unspoken Rendering this poet usele...

Drown yourself in my Electric downpour Currents storming Through parched veins They don't know my name But they feel my pain Coursing through them Affluent affliction Hearts and headaches beat the same

If he can't stimulate both your mind and your heart, why let him attempt your clit and g spot?

Let me be your mirror So I can reflect my favorite parts of you I know you struggle to see Disenchant you of your ego So you can find beauty even in every broken piece Mosaic, melancholy Your story is not that of fairy tales Eyes turned towards the sea With neither wind nor holes amidst your sails Calm waters, prepare for tumult and storm Nourishing secret gardens, You'd rather walk amongst your thorns Taste of sweetest nectar Kept hidden like Eden's lush They try to drown themselves in your fruitful touch You question your ability to trust The fragility of yonic lust The stars have never been too big To satiate your captivated gaze Navigating this celestial maze Just to live amongst their haze Stardust fractal debris I wish that you could stay Gravitating towards me.. The way Moon dances in every phase Dark circles traced Spinning nights into daze I am the ocean calm rippling at the sight Of your beauty, So close lingering in the sky I could almos...

I want to tell you "fuck you" I do.. But the only words to escape did not describe the hate Seething at the brim of my eyelids Okay, "hate" is strong and mostly inaccurate Because I really only hate feeling so foolish "Fuck this shit" "Fuck me" I can't close these heavy things Without envisioning your smile behind them I want to say any of this to you, But all I could construe From this scene of trite obscenities is "I miss you" And "What did I do?" I've never been so confused As to how somebody could feel as deeply as you do And still turn both eyes blind To the massacre such affections could possibly leave behind Add me to the collection of heartache in your wake Tell me that it was not my love you wished to take Or hers, or hers, or hers.. Tell me about how your disclaimer helps you sleep at night Even though I know it still keeps you up Analyst of all things thought and yet you still cannot...

There is a warmth of merriment amongst the winter chill Frost preys upon my pain as it creeps up from the windowsill Mind wanders, sorting through usual stress Buried under paper piles Spending my worthwhile Cleaning someone else's mess Hard to remember around this time How incredibly blessed we are The best lessons are the ones learned without intention Never sought, yet somehow they find us Remind us of a time when winter outlived summer, Dreams outgrew our wonder, Rain drowned out our thunder, And darkness seemed to live on forever Now in the distance, I see a faint green and red glimmer A guiding Light home for every prodigal sinner The colder weather gives us a reason to cuddle up together Appreciate getting close, Enjoy the silence of a first snow Gloved fingers interlacing show The only feeling we should cover up Is the chill between our toes Open up Your arms, your hearts, your home You're not Selfish, overwhelmed, alone Give up (the pursuit o...

It is far too difficult to understand why we pine for those who hurt us, Why we allow our love and energy to be expended on those who will never love us back ..at least not in the way we need to feel healthy and nurtured Just remember that a seed must first break before it sprouts, And that a flower bud needs rain to bloom. -rs.darko

I am a creator of many things, And a destroyer of more, A curator of admirers Like most collections I have no need for.. I've grown out of this affinity for love and lore Still I pine for distractions whenever I'm bored - rs.darko