Verbatim

I wake up dizzied by thoughts of you Circling round Like a knock out, Then I spend the rest of the day Icing away the pain Bumps and bruises on my decrepit heart Riddled like graffiti street art In stitches and scars, You itch my idea of wholeness How your gaze holds me like a spotlight In the warmth of your fleeting affection I've never known this kind of attention And I long for the days of ignorance Before making your acquaintance Before initiating this Back and forth dance Of readiness Unsteadiness Of hoping to bask in your loveliness To waking thoughts of how much I'm dreading this Love me, love me not Petals dismembered Like limbs from my lifeless body Hoping maybe someday You'll land on "love me" This hope remains My heartache's only remedy Echoing in masochistic melody Bloody and still outliving the disappointment of our yesterday

I want to tell you "fuck you" I do.. But the only words to escape did not describe the hate Seething at the brim of my eyelids Okay, "hate" is strong and mostly inaccurate Because I really only hate feeling so foolish "Fuck this shit" "Fuck me" I can't close these heavy things Without envisioning your smile behind them I want to say any of this to you, But all I could construe From this scene of trite obscenities is "I miss you" And "What did I do?" I've never been so confused As to how somebody could feel as deeply as you do And still turn both eyes blind To the massacre such affections could possibly leave behind Add me to the collection of heartache in your wake Tell me that it was not my love you wished to take Or hers, or hers, or hers.. Tell me about how your disclaimer helps you sleep at night Even though I know it still keeps you up Analyst of all things thought and yet you still cannot...

Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely It's not like you could possibly be the only One who's been thinking, wishing, "If only they could hold me..." A common thought and yet not often spoken boldly When you're scared of being torn apart, Because you've barely begun unfolding I crafted myself this paper crane heart To fly away before it's stolen, While the weight of my words Keep pressing pause like semicolon Leave them speechlessly in awe, Feeling moved, though their feet are frozen This might not be the life we'd chosen But it's the truth we choose to speak Trampled earth remains the same no matter underneath whose feet Footprints in the sand reveal it's always just been me Push and pull of currents, still my gaze turned towards the sea Reflected depths of mystery Layers of both darkness and clarity I need both to fully see Transcendental in whatever my mental state may be I remind myself how to breathe Soli...

I thought I could cease these tears, But as I faced the mirror All I could see was a face of fear, Eyes of heartache for what I couldn't hold near, Lost years wasted on empty smiles Between two deaf ears.. - RS.Darko The Poet's List Thoughtful Thursday Prompt - "face of fear"