Verbatim

I am as colorful as a painting of the world I've seen Every scar tells a story, every action beholds a dream Of collecting every drop of life into my open pores Experience more than what an aperture records I've grown bored and yet insatiable to breathing different air The reflection of adventure gets lost within my stare Nine thousand, five hundred, and fifty five suns Have been the guiding light to what hides in the horizon And so the chase continues as far as these dreams can go Making waves to every shoreline, squishing sand between my toes.

You see a vision in her eyes Sparkling white but mesmerized A future she's dreamt of a million times A life that's inspired a million rhymes Incessant lines of what possibilities may come But with it now before her, does she come undone? I've risen anew with countless burning suns And yet I feel my days have only just begun For a new sun burns most brightly within my gut The new life of he who could open every door that I have shut Rebuild every bridge out of the ashes and the soot Weave every fray together from every line I may have cut And with these rewoven ties, I provide a place he could call home As safe, warm, and protected as his space within my womb A calm embrace assuring that he'll never be alone For my son, my world, the greatest love I've ever known.

Once upon a time we were tightrope walkers strung up over gravel paths Held steady and high by our pride and porcelain masks, [And vindicated efforts of the rebellious vengeance we owed the world] We were strong, but we were foolish Never weary of the dark clouds as they crouched, looming in the distance Because we owned the night, the stars, and all that they surrounded Fire in our bellies of beasts unbounded Once perceived as uprooted hopelessly, Turned instead to nomadic and conquering With no home to call our own but the blood in our veins We became residents to our family names Because this family was, and always will be, "home" And no matter where we went or what we did, we stood by our own Heavy crowns and misplaced thrones, Believing the sound peace of our love and loyalty would never abandon us.. Unaware of God's fury as those storm clouds began to open up A tumult of past due misfortune accrued through our many debts Boisterous rule-brea

The air is both stale and dead Awkward silences between what we meant and what we've said Open palm perch for a heavy head While my wandering eyes roll back and forth again My mind sinks its teeth into these sinking feelings Revealing the dark gray clouds lingering in the lowered ceiling Smells like rain again With a taste of salt upon the breeze Reveries of when you were the air I breathed Now anchored in a harbor with our eyes turned towards the sea Lost tides carrying remnants of the lovers we used to be

I feel as though I could just melt every atom of my being into the fibers of my bedsheets Down into my mattress where the bedbugs can claim me as their own type of pestilence, Into the black hole where I am endlessly imploding into nothingness.. Why do I let my self hatred constantly convince me that I need to be with someone who approves of me and gives me their attention? I am alone. In this bed next to you, I am alone I fill the space with kind words and excuses And rationalizations of waiting to be loved by you, but I am not I am not this pinnacle of your admiration and affection, But rather your tool for pleasure A fool for your leisure I am nothing without someone But can I be something without anyone? Pay good riddance to this cat too cool for extraordinary Open my mind to the possibilities of my imaginary May I finally find peace in my lonely solace.. And a pretty face in the reflection before me

We breathed in stale night air Drifting between bars of light cast thru peeking blinds And their draping shadows quivering in the draft I gazed upon you like a mountain in the horizon on a starry night Rising and falling with every sigh As if the wind were dancing thru its summer branches We giggled and you hugged me And I tangled my legs into yours Laced fingers memorizing your signature on every tip We stretched our warmth to the farthest reaches of our atmospheric shell... My mind floated off in the distance as consciousness escaped me And I too became one with the mountainscape

Love is a crutch Of which I know much Cause I've broken just about every piece of myself That my tired soul could touch Now I'm splintered and still aching for a lift Retired your soggy shoulder Now just looking for a calm place to sit So we can hash out all the indiscretions All our half-eaten words and misconceptions Both bull headed and stubborn, but with soft beating hearts Both blind, deaf, and dumb, but still bleeding for the stars Love is this pain that keeps striking at me still Constantly testing my short patience and lack of will My selfish stance now sacrificed at two broken knees Yet every reverie reminds me of why it's you I need Every good deed comes with an expectant reprieve Every incepted seed comes with a silent scream Compromise at every corner, but what is dignity? Too proud, too selfish to consider the err in me.

The tiny hairs along my arms and back stood up As a cool breeze wandered through Threading on my knitted sleeves But the stubborn clouds remained unmoved Stationery and picturesque against the watercolored sky Illuminated only by the last surviving strands of sunlight And the combative street lamps sparking dim halos Down every darkened street corner Rays of hope for the lost and forgotten I myself was lost in that moment of leaning into the young night's wind Allowing her to brush against my cheek And caress my ears with her sweet nothing whispers A soft-spoken devil Leading me towards the tempest With bright starry eyes and a daydream heart And entitled afflictions pumping through curious veins I was never the same after that moment Awakened with the utmost clarity of where I wanted to be Forever lost within the night The night forever darkening the best in me

Is there no haven from this blazing hell around me Twenty six years I've been running with a bounty Finally tripped and fell and now I fear the devil's found me With his blue collared crucifix I can't say I'm sleeping soundly Instead I toss and turn so much Even the sheep have started counting And now one by one I can feel their weight surround me Suffocating bullshit but they speak it so profoundly Now I'm landing toe tipped, tripping over fine print Every petty mistake was another dollar spent And I've been breathing check to check Yet I haven't smelled one cent Instead I spent every second second-guessing what I could or should have done Never noticing the little victories I've won In between the schemes and the daily routines of another passing sun Oh that sun, with a warmth I've just barely begun to feel My daily eucharist, spiritual meal Allow me to give forgive and heal As I kneel down to the water at my feet The cool and