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I have been feeling nostalgic as of late.. nostalgic for these words and feelings which have since turned foreign to me. To love with a fragile heart is a dangerous game... Scared and fickle, still she upturns rocks whose affections lay hidden from her. Bold little thing. Far braver and more boisterous than I. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Those of you who know me might have heard me consider myself "undateable." No, this is not to say that I don't feel love. Quite the contrary, I feel love so deeply, too often to the point of self destruction. Since separating from my marriage, the last year and a half has incurred a period of immense introspection and growth for me. This time has taught me so much about the proper use of ego/self love versus intuitive empathy, and my ability to control how every situation affects me. I used to feel I was at the mercy of my emotions, blindly lead by these feelings whether they positively served me or not. "A walking, bleeding heart...

I waste time thinking about wasting time... Time measured by man-made construct for something which is out of our comprehension. Time cannot be contained by mere hours and seconds. Time is measured in moments and the importance of those moments can make a one-second glance seem like a lifetime.. it can make weeks, months, melt away in a blur of mundane sadness.

I feel myself transforming into something I've never seen before, both radiant and resilient.. Like bioluminescence, a spectrum of light evolved to exist in the depths of complete darkness. - @rs.darko

Hello again, digital world! I am back on the interwebs and with a fresh perspective at that. I know this blog is less than a spec in the grand scheme of the world, but I felt I should explain, to anyone who cares, the reason(s) for my four-month hiatus. After writing my eighth month birthday post for Arthur, I realized that I was dissatisfied with my blog, but I wasn't exactly sure why. I absolutely loved sharing my little updates about Arthur's growth and development, and loved sharing all the little "mommyisms" that I was discovering day by day. It was the fact that I did not feel comfortable being 100% transparent about my personal experiences with motherhood because I knew that my general lifestyle is considered questionable by some, and easily judged by many. My biggest fear was that writing the complete truth would incur some controversy, particularly with the more traditional branches of my extended family. However, I have been doing some serious soul searchin...

Who sat in this seat before me? Did they sit comfortably? Or were they cocked to one side rubbing two fingers to their left brain with the right pressed carelessly against a strange, cold window pane? On rolling, rain-spattered wheels, we find ourselves turning Over-analyzing and relearning the past in different ways Oh how the mind plays these mindless games While we pay the price of sanity, Self-esteem, comfort, security.. These are all things I never had Not saying it wasn't my bad, but how was I to know it was an early grave I'd be digging? Without it, I wouldn't also be sitting Here staring into a world of possibility Of connections to a stranger thru a shared struggle to dig these graves These memorials of lives that could be saved if only we could make a difference Change the course of this common interest.. Whether it was a brother, a mother, or maybe another We've had to sit here for decades pondering the same thing Where would this bus really ...