The R Word
I told my rapist I loved him Because I did And in some ways I still do Even in the dark cloud of shame Whenever someone mentions his name Even though I never wanted to Do the things we did Somehow I convinced myself I asked for it Agreed that it would be our secret That hush upon my lips Turned to quiet consequence The loss of innocence At age 8 Bred two decades of self hate Which only boys and other poisons could satiate Medicated through the pain, but remained confused Allowed my body to be consumed Mistaken passion from sexual abuse I told my rapist I was sorry the day I finally refused At age 14 Torn between Continuing And screaming I was so scared to lose him Lose his attention It's so fucking disgusting to reminisce On the fact that throughout my adolescence This is what I understood of intimate affection At age 15 I would have done anything To no longer be a "virgin" To casualize sexual interaction Convince myself This was common p...