Releasing Paranoid Thoughts

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Fingertips graze against me like stray bullets
I wish I knew the comforts of
Safe love
The way I know my scars
Like old friends warning me of my patterns
They itch sometimes beneath the surface
As if they never really healed right
Though my body did it's best
To align the skin graph
Recreate the shell of flesh
I was before I let these words cut into me
Like a Thanksgiving turkey
Carving away my insides
Replacing them with delicious surrogates
And a cornucopia of well intentions
Almost as fake as the sweet glaze smiles
we pasted onto our faces
For every holiday photo
Happiness feels treacherous to me
Love feels like a shot in the foot
Perhaps that's why every time I step into it
I keep one at the doorway
Ready for my grand escape
As if to say
I always knew it wouldn't work out anyway
I always had a feeling
Because when something seems
Too good to be true
It usually is
And I'm not the kind of person
To not take the risk
Even if I know it runs a high chance of turning to regret
I'd rather have walked the path to destruction
Willingly
Tossing my curls to one side
Like posing for prom queen
With the world in flames behind me
Dress covered in blood splatter like Carrie
Ready to give my speech about how humbled I am
How I never suspected it would be me
Because I didn't,
And I don't,
But I'll still go
With a notebook and a cynical grin
Waiting to write
"I told you so"

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