Queen Bed for One

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I feel as though I could just melt every atom of my being into the fibers of my bedsheets
Down into my mattress where the bedbugs can claim me as their own type of pestilence,
Into the black hole where I am endlessly imploding into nothingness..
Why do I let my self hatred constantly convince me that I need to be with someone who approves of me and gives me their attention?
I am alone.
In this bed next to you, I am alone
I fill the space with kind words and excuses
And rationalizations of waiting to be loved by you, but I am not
I am not this pinnacle of your admiration and affection,
But rather your tool for pleasure
A fool for your leisure
I am nothing without someone
But can I be something without anyone?
Pay good riddance to this cat too cool for extraordinary
Open my mind to the possibilities of my imaginary
May I finally find peace in my lonely solace..
And a pretty face in the reflection before me

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