Swallow

Do you ever just look at your child and think,

"What if I had swallowed you?”

You can't say the idea hasn't crossed your brain at least once

Not that motherhood is not a joy, and a blessing,

one of the greatest of life's lessons

Just every now and again

when your patience is running thin,

and your kid is being a teeny bit of a little shit

The tiny filaments

of that lightbulb in your attic

spark alight

with memories and reveries

of the possibility of that other life

You know fifteen years of twerking don't just disappear over night

no matter how you try to hide

behind your post-preggo fitness photos and #momlife

You know there's still that part of you inside

who knows exactly what to do with that extra jiggle in your thighs

Oh yeah,

you know I'd been waiting to grow into these hips,

wideset

as if to imitate the vastness of my mindset

Every lover lost to endless sunsets

caught up in thoughts of me,

Pondering the ways they wanna lay me out

like a Sunday picnic,

a delicious spread aesthetic

a finger in my mouth

a taste for tease, I can't help but lick it

Give it a nibble

entice them a little to

start playing with my nipples

Before everything on my body became a vessel

for fucking food

and I didn't feel weird or guilty at all for feeling

fucking good

Because

you know it really does

and I don't know if it's the moon

or this buzz

that's making me wanna fuuuhh

fall asleep in their arms on this couch

after we sweat it out

And I opt to catch these kids in my mouth