Verbatim

Sometimes on still nights I still find myself missing him Thoughts of Loneliness set in I remember all our passion, The magical poetry we’ve written Thumbing through volumes of our midnight monologues Driveling down tear-stained looseleaf I can’t even tell if I miss him Or the inspiration caused by my suffering  Solitude knocks at the door Asks me if I want company I tell her I don’t know if I can be happily alone Perhaps I’m not strong enough to stop the onslaught of stray thoughts, my inevitable sabotage Solitude kisses me on the cheek Tells me she’s never seen anything so beautiful Weaves her fingers through every curl and corner Showering in cool contentments Sunbeams falling upon chilled skin Wind-bitten Healing, not hidden Solitude gives me space without thwarting her affections She reaches for my hand Tells me she sees me for all I am Says I’m safe with her  Imperfect human Every scar a treasure Says Loneliness was all I had when I didn’t truly feel worthy Tells me, “It won’t ha

One day Your looks will fade Lines will thicken around your smile Your body will soften Skin will loosen Days slowly turn into looseleaf memories Haunting pages of forgotten notebooks Dust collectors Better acquainted with the hands of movers Than owners People distance Babies are born People reunite Old people pass Family gathers Petals wilt Seedlings blossom Lakes dry Hurricanes tear down houses along the coastline Inhale Familiar humidity Remembering The old days Glorious days Legacies woven into footprints along the horizon Exhale Peace of mind One last time Until darkness

I’ve mastered the art of applying band-aids over axe wounds With magical mommy kisses Suddenly everything is all better, right? Turning away blindly Ignoring the smell of rotting flesh Infection spreading to my chest, my throat, my words Resentment echoes between nouns and verbs I can hardly take action Paralyzed by what I need to do Feeding into distractions to feel momentary escape From the copious helpings on my plate With no one to help me finish it I am a strong goddess I got it… I’ll be okay I’ve been drowning for a while Deciding how to breathe underwater My gills are learning to adjust To breathing in the mud They want money, they want blood They wanna see me in a standstill Hovering closely  With a magnifying glass over this anthill Burning my feelers… until I’m numb  And all I have left is to get this shit done Pick myself up like I always have Because I’ve never needed a handout Just a hug, or someone to say Everything will be okay We can take this day by day together  It’s

Sickness Spreads her wings like wildfire Simultaneously slow decay Waiting game Disintegrating every body inside out I’m tired, I’m okay   Hanging onto words I say delicately Afraid they might out me Reveal magicless scribbles  Posing desperately As creative word counts And clever manuscripts Five to six lines at a time My mind is distracted Extracting only little bites Of my true thoughts I am less poet than human these days Finding ways around Vulnerability It hurts too much to express directly So I dress her up prettily Refine her curls softer, More easily managed No one has to know of these frayed ends slowly coming undone Too damaged for anything but to be cut and forgotten I struggled to wake up the other morning Mourning the loss of my fire Sickness spreading like water Prose smudged in salt splatter Thank you for listening Admittedly I’m not even fully awake yet I clear my throat Choke on lost words Pen my antidote So I can face this pain in silence I don’t feel so much myself

 Sometimes I forget what exhilarates me Heart pumping At every caught glance From across a crowded room My heart doesn’t flutter like it used to At the menial woos Of courtship I admire How you do it The feeling I get when you plant seeds of connection Between us Without a single syllable uttered When I wake up, I glow Unafraid that your love May have snuck out my window Before sun struck horizon The only lying you do  Is across my bed Head in my lap Fingers tracing roadmaps Through light brown strands Roundabouts of freckles trailing along your back and face I never have to question whether or not you will stay Whether your eyes feel the need to wander away With any pretty feather blowing about before the summer rain You and I fell in the throes of desert heat Rising with the sun Outstretched spires like daisies  Blossoming from salt strewn paths Dry beds accustomed to the company of fleeting strangers Comets with wakes of stardust of those they burned along the way Empty conversation

We are more than expensive drinks And city lights  Listen closely There is a heartbeat to these streets Songs echoing the horizons Endless skies in moonlit transit Beyond the Boulevard You’ll find us salt beneath bare feet Fires manifested  We are a city of misfits Rejects and weirdos  This is the closest we’ve ever been to freedom This is the closest I’ve ever been to home Helping hands pick up wind-whipped trash Helping hands feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the forsaken… Helping hands pick up comrades  by the bootstraps We are stronger than these desert gusts Say it with your chest, listen to your gut We are better together Community builds social immunity Speak your piece Proudly sport hearts on sleeves You are safe here Fuck the haters We are Tribe Our only limit is time 5 minutes on the mic To drop that new shit Snaps and vibes We got you any day, any night From Henderson, to Northtown From Sun to Stars We got the Vegas lights reflecting  Like these spirits of ours Behi

Pieces of my heart Scatter along Atlantic shores Rich in sand dollars, and Iridescent blues Mussel skeletons With no tissues  To wipe the salt from their eyes Waves roll out in Endless goodbyes Reaching for one last Moonbeam kiss  Gazing from behind sandy lashes Breezes harnessed in fluttering branches I feel closest to God  Chasing edges of oceans Plunging into depths unseen Floating on prayers  and cosmic maps embedded beneath dreamy eyelids Wandering to cold rough seas Every chance I get Running back to memories Of the place I spent a lifetime trying to leave Truth is I miss the chill of home across my cheek

It starts in my chest That tight breath  Like I’m gasping at a chance to tell you I really love your energy Chemistry  Bubbles and boils In sea foam memories  Of you and me Lifetimes ago And presently I feel like I’ve loved you forever With eternity left to go  Delicately laced Into our hand holds  Blanket folds Of smiles and cold toes Intersected legs Crossed knees Buckling with every squeeze Your chest hair is my favorite pillow Your eyes are my favorite seas Your lips a lighthouse Guiding me home With whispers of warmer waters Softer sands Slipping thru our hourglass afternoons Tracing curves Learning freckles Like phases of Moon Swooning currents Making gifts out of presence Spells in every sentence Enchanted tunes I love Everything about you Your voice, your touch The way you move Through thoughts of raindrops and blues, Hazy daze and psychedelic hues I love Your mind, The way you spend your time Behind sound boards And dog-eared pages You are more black knight  Than mage More can