Perennial

I knew it would be hard to open up again
For fear my petals would fall away
One by one
Like tears,

Like days..
They stopped feeling precious
and I grew restless,
Shaking them off even further

Now bare and broken
Scared
To open up again
I could never imagine
Someone would care
Enough to actually listen..

But you touch me like a warm summer day
Flooding my pores with comforting rays
Soaking into my outstretched
Chlorophylled tips
Telling me it's my choice to go or stay
"But please don't leave.."
Pleading
Not to fall away from love completely

The way school kids drag their feet
After a long game of baseball in the street
Still they come back every afternoon by three
Warmed up and ready
To play again

It's so easy for us to jump into games of pretend
Thinking love is the answer
When really you just need a friend
Someone you can talk to who makes you feel like you can be open

Not in a way that is scary,
Nor overbearing,
But in a way that makes you feel like you could spend eternity staring
Into the souls of each other's eyes

And self realize so much more in the reflections you've been sharing

It's not fair my heart feels too much
It's not fair I crave that which I'm too afraid to let close enough to touch
I'm more confused than heartbroken
I'm more reserved than soft spoken
So I let my actions speak for me
I want you to see I am growing from this suffering
But please don't misconstrue my passion as a desire to rush into things
Because that could not be farther from the truth
I'm still figuring out the difference between what I want to do
And what is simply a conquest by which my brain can be consumed

I don't want to be pursued
But rather learned
I want my love to feel earned
I want my heart to be something
You not only desire, but yearn for

I want my eyes to be the first thing you think of at sunrise
I want to know which smile you use as a disguise
When you're hurting inside
And you think no one else is noticing

I want you to see me seeing you,
Focusing
On all the details you leave encrypted between the lines
I want to know your description,

Feel your design…

I want to get lost within your mind
Uncovering rubies you keep hidden in your gold mine
A treasure chest I wish not to possess
But only to explore in elaborate labrynths
And adorn in delicate fabrics

Discovering emotional levels of tantric

Where others seek companionship
Seemingly desperate and frantic
I want to decipher your poetry like Sanskrit
Watch the words wash away like sand script
Preciously finite existence
Impressing infinite reflections of our spirits

I don't mean the kind we have to sip
To find the courage to say things like
"I'm scared as shit"
Because I'd be lying to admit that it wasn't absolutely terrifying
Wondering if these feelings were reciprocated

I'm not trying to put labels on things I myself am not ready to say yet,
But the other day you said that
You didn't believe in soulmates
I believe you should leave that up for debate
Because our souls' conversation speaks fire
And is fluent in fate
Not destiny, but patterns which happenstance seemed to create

The word "coincidence" just can't seem to satiate
Or quell these feelings I've only begun to implore
There's still so much more my heart cannot ignore
But I'm in no rush to see what the future has in store
As I learn patience waiting for my own petals to restore