There's No Cure for Abuse

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I want love, but I don't want you
At least not in a loving way
Not in a way that actually makes sense
Not the way in which a healthy person connects
Because to be honest,
I don't know how to be loved without just being wanted for sex
Identified from the midsection down
Call her "Goddess" and "Queen"
Still deny her the crown
Truth is, I've grown accustomed to the disappointment
Because I've always allowed it
And I've found that the biggest let down is
I've grown used to being used

I want love, but I have only ever known abuse
Abuse of my body, abuse of my mind
Abuse of my spirit,
Abuse of my time

And when I'm alone, I abuse myself
Reminded of all the times I've wanted to remove myself
Masochism seems like the best medicine for my mental health
Until I'm staring at an empty bottle
And a knife on my shelf

I smile and I laugh
But I'm a stranger to you still
Broken mirror reflections..
It's been a while since the pills
Every now and then
I feel the clouds creep in with the chill
Reminding me that I cannot escape the repercussions of my will.

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