Rare Form

-

I feel like shit

Not sick

Like a piece of shit

Excrement

Fluent

From these lips

Like I just can’t help it


Resident to this foul mouth

I should reside on someone’s couch

Instead

So they can shrink me down

Into scrips and tips

Lessons to improve within

The confines of my head


Then I can stop feeding

Into every little stint of seething anger

when I’m heated 

Screaming

leaving my kettle on the burner

Til I’m overflowing lava

Spouting tea at your face and sternum 

I’m seated

Steaming now

In my self-made hell

Straddled between needing you

And needing some time to myself


I just wanna be healthy

Wanna stop being petty

I just wanna be happy

Instead of finding faults in every nook and cranny

Like I’m so damn perfect

Such a prize to be won

Untouchable by neither the Moon nor Sun

I’m fucking crippled by my own self destruction

I know it’s no excuse

Subconsciously sabotage might just be what I’m used to

Or what I’ve known

Instead of claiming these issues as my own 


Instead of crying and running

Here I am desperately thumbing at my phone

Searching for the words to tell you 

I don’t want this to be over

I don’t want space

I wanna trace the spaces between us

With thoughts of our love

Memories of how your freckles taste

Across the backside of my tongue

Erase any bad blood

Created by selfishness

And shit communication

I wanna learn what YOU need

I wanna stop starting sentences with the word “I”

Not gonna lie,

It’s kinda hard, but I’m trying 


This is more apology than love letter 

A proclamation

I know that I can do better

Or at the very least show some recognition

Of my love for you without inhibitions

Appreciation without conditions

Intentionally indulge in our affections

Without the subtle taste of addiction


You are soul medicine

Sometimes I overdose

Lashing out for more

When you’ve been giving me the most


You’ve got scars… but so do I

It can be hard to see eye to eye

Every now and again

I can go completely blind

To how much you bend

Just to see from my perspective


You say maybe love isn’t enough 

But I refuse to believe that’s all we’ve got 

We live in laughter, and profound thoughts

Pictures can’t even capture

The depths of our bond

Captivated in every step of our connection

We might take different strides

Somehow I always find

Myself dancing in your direction  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Exposé (Chapter 1): the truth about my "mom life" and why I didn't have the guts to talk about it before

-
Hello again, digital world! I am back on the interwebs and with a fresh perspective at that. I know this blog is less than a spec in the grand scheme of the world, but I felt I should explain, to anyone who cares, the reason(s) for my four-month hiatus. After writing my eighth month birthday post for Arthur, I realized that I was dissatisfied with my blog, but I wasn't exactly sure why. I absolutely loved sharing my little updates about Arthur's growth and development, and loved sharing all the little "mommyisms" that I was discovering day by day. It was the fact that I did not feel comfortable being 100% transparent about my personal experiences with motherhood because I knew that my general lifestyle is considered questionable by some, and easily judged by many. My biggest fear was that writing the complete truth would incur some controversy, particularly with the more traditional branches of my extended family. However, I have been doing some serious soul searchin...
Read more

Which Apocalypse Are You Rooting For?

-
Image
I'm something of a movie junkie. I love them! There are so many on my "to-see" list that I just feel I've grown insatiable. One of my favorite genres is the whole major disaster/end of the world bit, mainly because I am an extremely pessimistic person [unfortunately] and I have what I like to call a "final destination" perspective. Whether you wanna call it Murphy's Law or just bad luck, I have given up doubting that the worst possible thing(s) could happen to me. I'm not gonna say I live my life in fear of death, but that my imagination allows me to play with ideas of death happening in pretty much any situation.   Anywho, I just watched Jurassic World [don't ask me why I waited so long to see it in theaters]. It was so awesome! It's amazing to think of what magnificent feats can be achieved through genetic modifications. Magnificent, but terrifying at the same time. I'm sick of humans always trying to play God. I would not be at ...
Read more

Disclaimer for Your Heart

-
Everything is so finite in this reality, You like to remind me,  it’s all about timing So don’t mind me being happy to have a couple moments for me and you Forever is a long time, A promise rarely upheld Perhaps forever is just a feeling like love itself Coming and going as it pleases Subconsciously fleeting, Like Nickelodeon or Disney  Always finding ways to return Comic books and super heroes Who died already then had the audacity To respawn in an alternate universe Perhaps this is just our origin story Two celestial bodies dancing around collision for the first time We find ourselves pulling closer by sheer magnitude Though we have our own solar systems to attend to… I can honestly say I love you Because I have for a while Though the feeling has reshaped and grown and shown me Different reasons why You know the clarity of atmospheric boundaries in a seemingly boundless sky Gravity giving purpose to flight So we might lift off without losing ground  Spread wings as vast...
Read more