Verbatim

The air is both stale and dead Awkward silences between what we meant and what we've said Open palm perch for a heavy head While my wandering eyes roll back and forth again My mind sinks its teeth into these sinking feelings Revealing the dark gray clouds lingering in the lowered ceiling Smells like rain again With a taste of salt upon the breeze Reveries of when you were the air I breathed Now anchored in a harbor with our eyes turned towards the sea Lost tides carrying remnants of the lovers we used to be

I feel as though I could just melt every atom of my being into the fibers of my bedsheets Down into my mattress where the bedbugs can claim me as their own type of pestilence, Into the black hole where I am endlessly imploding into nothingness.. Why do I let my self hatred constantly convince me that I need to be with someone who approves of me and gives me their attention? I am alone. In this bed next to you, I am alone I fill the space with kind words and excuses And rationalizations of waiting to be loved by you, but I am not I am not this pinnacle of your admiration and affection, But rather your tool for pleasure A fool for your leisure I am nothing without someone But can I be something without anyone? Pay good riddance to this cat too cool for extraordinary Open my mind to the possibilities of my imaginary May I finally find peace in my lonely solace.. And a pretty face in the reflection before me